Question for you: You ever had that nagging feeling that the story you’re being told isn’t quite the truth?
What do you do when you think your partner might be lying to you? How do you handle lying in a relationship?
We both know that in reality, everyone lies.
You and I and your partner included. Everyone!
So lying in a relationship is not uncommon and we all do it to protect ourselves from embarrassment, guilt or disappointing someone, but that of course does not make it right.
It’s only as we get closer to someone, we become more comfortable and hopefully, more honest.
And that’s probably not going to change.
Even so, how do you handle lying in a relationship so that you are not constantly wondering whether what you’re being told is true?
First, you have to know how to read the truth.
It’s been widely reported that only 7% of our communication is the words that we use. Body language and non-verbal clues make up 93% of our communication with each other.
That means in order to know what someone is really thinking or doing, sometimes you cannot listen to what they say.
People’s lips will lie, but their bodies never will.
Be on the lookout for body language clues (looking around, change in breathing, being defensive, clearing their throat, eye movements, etc.) that show your partner is nervous.
I even made a video about the three signs of lying to help you figure out if your partner is lying to you.
Next is the most important part:
When you think, you’re being lied to, there is only room for one person to be nervous.
And that can’t be you.
So, you have to be detached in order to pull this off. What I mean is that you have to be ok with whatever happens, AND do not assume anything.
Yes, this will be difficult. However, would you rather always wonder what the truth is?
Once you see that there is some inconsistency, you begin to ask questions about it until you get to the truth.
It’s important to note that you want to ask the questions without it sounding like an interrogation. That will just make your partner defensive.
Instead say something like, “you said a minute ago that you were out with so-and-so; how does that mesh with what you’re saying now?”
The key is to be calm and unfazed, as if you are just gathering information. Then, if they are lying, their nervousness (combined with your level of calm confidence) increases
until they finally crack.
When you’re able to pull this off, you never have to worry about being lied to again. You are the one with the cards, because you are empowered to get the truth, no matter what they say at first.
Then it’s just a matter of deciding whether you want to continue in a relationship with that kind of person.
Either way, you are the one who is in control, instead of the person who is always on guard from getting hurt.
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